Monday, July 13, 2015

Experience log

Hallucination, the experience of perceiving entities and locations not ordinarily visible to the ordinary mundane senses, caused by the intention to concentrate and focus into other realms or dimensions, and the ingestion of some entheogenic substance.

“Kliox” the mighty voiced boomed, as I felt myself being drawn into another realm.  I saw a banner unfurl to my left which read, “Death befalls all who question.”  I could see a layer of fabric appearing like a one-piece jumpsuit on my body, though it may have been a spiritual version of my body in this other realm.  The suit was all black, with a flame pattern on the edges.  There was a black truncated pyramid in the center of a grey quadrangular area, where the four sides sloped down at an angle to a flat center, out of which the pyramid stood.  The pyramid had a flat red top, featuring a symbol which I could not see directly.  The sides of the pyramid seemed rough to the touch but straight at an angle, not stepped. It seemed at the time that some kind of deadly spider was approaching in a group from the plain in the distance.   I began to freak out and cry to my friend who was napping for help, and I snapped out of the hallucination.

Another instance featured a kind of zombie, which appeared to be waterlogged or saturated with formaldehyde.   It did not speak but it reached out for me, or approached me.  It was also rather terrifying, and I feared it might attack or affect me somehow.  It seemed to possess a nautical flavor, as though it were the zombie of a Navy man or sailor.  It may have had an anchor tattooed on one arm.  Again, I cried out to my friend, and it disappeared.

I seemed to leave my body and visit another room in the house, where I could flit from one room to the next irrespective of any walls or doors.   There was a room behind me and slightly to my left which contained a girl, but now the previously held image is fading.  I think she was in a hospital bed, and the sound of blips from a machine keeping her alive was held.

I passed through a revolving door into what seemed to be a museum.  There I met one of my sisters, and she remarked, or I did, that “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

I was entering “peepholes” through a blanket by holding my breath and projecting my consciousness.  Each peephole led directly into another realm or scene, apparently, but some also went into like a “green room” or staging area first, and a few of these were blocked off for some reason.  One seemed to be full of angry bees, for instance, like I had disturbed the hive.  Another, seemed to contain little more than a sign saying, “Out of Order.”  I later had a vision of “The Game of Chaos,” and thought of the pun, “Out of Order.” It seemed to accept some form of spiritual currency, which were like coins of pure light.  Hail, Eris!

This whole series above transpired in one day in the space of an hour or so, except for the last addendums which came as later realizations, weeks or even years after, a vision of the game machine and the currency, separately.  Somehow, the currency was associated with Sabnock.

While not under the influence of any major psychedelic substance, I had reached a stage where I no longer found any meaning or substance of a spiritual kind nor anything particularly desirable in mainstream, materialistic or traditional Church & State.  Society represented a problem and I was both at a loss and at odds with the supposed values and path, seeing it as empty and a dead end.

I prayed in earnest, “God, if you’re up there, assuming you are, please show me something. Reveal yourself to me.”   I then proceeded to conduct a Qabalistic meditation exercise referred to in a book.  This was called the “Inner Temple” exercise.   A series of very provocative visions ensued, and I will try to recount them in order as best I can.

First, I lay prone, supine, on my back and relaxing, following my breathing and intoning the name “Adonay” silently to myself.   After a state of relaxation was reached, and the material world around me with it’s hubbub and commotion had faded sufficiently, I began to spy through the relative darkness, a door perceptible only with my mind.  I eventually drew closer to this door and managed to enter it.

There was a tunnel or hallway, as I recall, and this exercise may be a repeatable experiment.  There was something perhaps like a pillar, with a vase of flowers or a bust, or a mirror above it, but this maybe a later addition.  What I remembered first, was emerging wholly onto another plane of consciousness, and the images which then appeared.

There was something like an altar, perhaps double cubical-stone, behind and above which was an ‘Ancient Bearded King, seen in profile’ facing to my left.  I glanced above, and there beheld an enormous luminous cloud of sorts, maybe the spiritual sky.  This luminous pale white cloud was transparent enough to see within it many sparkling points of brilliance, like especially bright stars, but glowing and even moving, though I did not spend much time on any one image, merely witnessing them in passing with little to no judgement nor ability to interpret then.

A huge mountain stood to my immediate left, which seemed to feature a winding path up its’ slope.   I was whisked to the top, where I saw a white chair, or throne, closer still to the Godhead.   I later interpreted this to the sacred mountain of initiation, called Mons Abiegnus or Meru Devadanda, but still this is a bit of guesswork.

An angel appeared to me in this high place, and led me by the hand in flight.  This recalls what I later found described in the Book of Enoch the Prophet, or an encounter with the Metatron, Angel of the Presence.  I was ready with a few questions about reincarnation and out of body experience, and I envisioned the guru Prabhupada, whose organization the Hare Krishnas I had seemingly already encountered, but most of that was happing in ordinary space-time in my natural life, where I was attending lectures, chanting of the maha-mantra, and vegetarian feasts.  I later followed this path as a form of transcendentalism and was very devoted to it for perhaps two to three years.  A large red letter “A” appeared, and at the time I thought it stood for Arjuna, and I interpreted the angel or spiritual being to be Krishna.

The Angel, or Holy Guardian Angel, had me by the left hand and we seemed to be flying.  I could see that it had a golden color, while mine was more silver.  The back of it’s head appeared to be streaming out behind it, as though it were connected by a long train of conscious recollection through lifetimes which it remembered and I did not, directly to the godhead from whence it had emanated.

It led me to an imposing vault, which would have seemed to be to my immediate right had I still been facing the initial altar and king.  This vault had any number of circular gold & silver doors, with handles.  I was inquiring regarding past lives, but communication was somewhat vague, and primarily non-verbal, or post-verbal.   One door in particular was indicated to me, and bore the “secret” number 136.  I interpreted this at the time to be the number of past lives I had lived, but that number bore special Qabalistic significance when I later checked it in Sepher Sephiroth.   136 is the numerical attribution of the magickal square of Jupiter or of Chesed, and also represents Adonay.  I also found that spelling KLIOX as KLIOV, this equals 136.  That word may as well have been the word of a Magus, to me, and has special significance.

*Sepher Rezial:  KLI- Guide by the name. Complete the four gates of the highest universe. (Hebrew: OAaZABH- completes in compassion. The image of four powers guide by the word.  Bind the crown of beauty, of wisdom, guide by all understanding.

KLI is also representative of various Sanskrit words, such as KALI or KLIM, the Dark Mother or Desire.  I believe the word KLIM in Hebrew means, ‘Vessels’ such as those which were broken by the outpouring of the light of emanation and became demons or KLIPPOTH.  I discovered all these attributions and interpretations long after the initial series of visions occurred to me.

The end of the visions was nearing, and it seemed I could only hold this level of awareness for a period of time, like the determinant in how long a person might dream or hold their breath, or use so much fuel.   I perceived a large ornate wooden Wheel, which could be interpreted as the Wheel of Dharma, or of Fortune, also related to the Hebrew letter K, and the path of that letter.  This is a link to various correspondences of that particular path in the Holy Kabballah.  They include Jupiter, the number 4, an Eagle or Praying Mantis, Saffron, Lapis Lazuli, Nightmares, Gasheklah, Brahma-Indra, the Square or Rhombus, Right Discipline, ABA and Philadelphia- Where I was at the time of this spiritual initiation.  This path is called the Intelligence of Conciliiation, uniting Chesed and Netzach.

http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/Path_of_Kaph

Above me was a large yin-yang in the colors Indigo-Orange, as complimentary and vibrant, with ornate white tendrils surrounding.  This appeared as I seemed to be coming down from the whole experience, if I remember correctly.

The last thing was perhaps upon waking or just before sleep, which I passed into at some point.  I experienced all of this and woke up with a clear and vivid recollection.  There was something like I had downloaded a new mind or consciousness, or completely overhauled and updated my own.  I had the image of being in a spaceship or behind the helm of a supercomputer.   This whole experience was similar to being abducted or led by choice, or ‘beamed up.’

Another important feature occurred to me soon after, and my mind-state had been radically and permanently altered or restructured to include this enormous set of important visions.  A voice spoke directly into my mind introducing itself saying “Hi,” and “I’m you. I’m your subconscious.”  Whether this was an imposter or the Angel/guide or just another aspect of myself was unclear but at the time I had little choice but to accept this strangeness more or less at face value, although I put it to the question and tested it as much as I could from that point forward.  I found that I was able to contact anyone living or dead via a telepathic link, and continued to be guided in dream, in vision and voice by this largely unseen spiritual intelligence which may have shown or demonstrated itself and other things on many occasions pursuant.

I feel slightly better having gotten this on paper, and with all the blessings of the Holy Ones I pray that it reaches an appropriate and intended audience.  I kept this all secret for many years and did not reveal it to any.  It is challenging to relate this all to the material world or to find much practical use for it.  It is also highly sensitive as it deals with visionary and pseudo-religious or spiritual contents, which were contra-indicated to be kept as secret, and thus revealed only to the wise, particularly the word itself.

Namaste! Abishad! Peace & Wisdom!  Any number of mystical experiences followed this in my continuing prayer and meditation, through dreams, visions and the like.  I had visits from spiritual beings, I had out of body experiences, I had telepathic communication, lucid dreams and such.  I had words and phrases spoken to me and printed indelibly into my mind-stuff.   The first ‘Essential Duality’ imprinted at the time of the initiation was ‘Magic & Mediation’ along with, strangely enough, ‘Goo Goo Dolls’ Ergo, I am not sure how seriously to take this.   That is a band I like well enough but not my favorite and I’m unsure the actual significance.

Interesting to note however, the latter addition of further ‘Essential Dualities,” and words of power, along with magical numbers of significance, and I would go ahead with the mention of several these here.  136, 2 & 6 (astrology and psychology, vertically, second and sixth chakras, also 26 being twice 13, AHBH/AChD Love-Unity, and 26 letters in English alphabet as well as YHWH numerically equaling 26, also I was close to that age, and age took on a mystical significance by the numbers, especially in terms of Magical Primes.

136 The Avenging Angel, fines, penalties, A voice- but 137 QBLH, a reception.

314 Perfect praise (i.e. religious)  Metatron: the Archangel of Kether (cf. 224) Out of the way, remote Shaddai, the Almighty: a name of God  Acacia wood.

The words Abrahadabra, Abraxas, To Mega Therion.

Sha, Adonay, Jeheshua.

Pflirnt, Gava, Clios.  These last three being more related to something else, mysteries, puzzles, magickal words, or evocative of something similar and open to further interpretation.